Disobedience – Its own Worst Reward
As a child, the last of 5 and the only girl, I was a compliant little angel. For the most part I did want to make waves, was eager to please and loved the attention it attracted from my mom, who was quite overwhelmed, I imagine. However, on those days where I decided to talk back, go my own way or be disrespectful, I remember getting “the spank.” OUCHIMAMA!! That stung, hurt for a long while afterwards, and probably hurt my pride longer than that. But once it was done, it was done. We could go back to our harmonious relationship and all was good.
Fast forward to real life, once grown up. I have been a believer for a very long time, but certainly I’ve done my share of sinning and exercised some pretty massive disobedience during my Christ following years. I have been in the fold of Jesus’s guidance and felt His presence, followed His leading, surrendered my will to His and felt peaceful and prosperous in my soul. I’ve had those times. Usually it comes with a commitment to get up early and spend time with Him in the word and prayer and be quiet. He meets me there and my days certainly go better, on the whole.
But for some reason, usually distraction or selfishness (more sleep), or generally putting myself out of balance, I stop this habit. Slowly some old thought patterns begin to creep in. I find my attitude turning inward toward what I think I need and deserve, vs toward others and how I can best bless and serve them. And down this road I ultimately find myself frustrated, chaotic, out of balance, angry and sad. Can I say I think this is totally intentional from our Father?
The 10 lost tribes of Isreal, (2 were called Judah – and somehow were never “lost”), found themselves dispersed throughout the no lands, and eventually have been traced to Europe and even the United States. They were always intended to be in their original homeland – the house of David was well loved by God and He made promises to bless their descendants and give them a lamp forever, to never destroy them no matter how far they strayed. But they strayed, and they strayed, and they fought each other and exercised disobedience to their Father in Heaven time and time again. And what did God do? He punished them. Old Testament mind you. But He did not allow them to be reunited and brought back to their original land – until they learned what lessons they needed to and humbled themselves toward their creator. BUT He Never Abandoned Them. He loved them through everything, to this day.
So I prayed a prayer in one of my intimate moments with my savior. I begged him to make me so uncomfortable in my times of disobedience that it would drive me back to Him time and again. And guess what? He answered my prayer and has drawn me back to Him time and again, as my own disobedience is its own reward. And when I return, every time, He welcomes me with open arms and a loving spirit, and further on we walk together.
Please know – that your savior and mine is a God of love and grace and acceptance. But He is also a jealous God – who loves us deeply and knows what is best for us. I am SO thankful He draws me back and helps me find Him every time. Like the lost tribes, we and they may be lost for a time to the world, but God had the best plan for them and for each of us, and He promises that He will fulfill it in the proper time. Thank God I can count on him!